Ethan Kross’s book, Shift, introduces practical, research-based methods for navigating emotions effectively without suppressing them. Emotions can often feel overwhelming, like the fear of failure before a performance or the rumination over a hurtful comment. While the natural reaction might be to suppress feelings or lash out, Kross suggests an alternative—engaging with emotions constructively to derive relief and insights from them.
“The goal is not to run from negative emotions or chase only the feel-good ones, but to shift: experience them all, learn from them, and move fluidly between emotional states,” writes Kross.
Why Emotional Management Matters
Both positive and negative emotions play vital roles in keeping us safe, healthy, and happy. For instance, fear can sharpen our focus during a potentially dangerous situation. However, when emotions persist beyond their usefulness or grow disproportionate, they can hinder us. Developing emotional agility allows us to honor our feelings without being immobilized by them.
Kross emphasizes that individuals adept at regulating their emotions enjoy more fulfilling relationships, excel academically and professionally, and experience greater physical and mental well-being. He explains, “The ability to control your emotions isn’t just about avoiding negativity; it’s about enriching the positive and rewarding aspects of life.”
Moreover, since emotions are contagious, improving emotional management can positively influence those around us. This doesn’t mean aiming for constant happiness or masking negativity with false positivity. Instead, it’s about recognizing when we’re stuck in unproductive emotions and gently steering ourselves toward a better state.
“The appearance of an emotion is just the beginning. What we do, say, or think shapes its trajectory and duration,” Kross notes.
Techniques to Shift Emotions
Kross outlines several strategies to help navigate emotional challenges effectively:
1. Leverage Your Senses
Our senses—sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell—are closely tied to our emotions. Engaging them intentionally can create a shift. For example, playing upbeat music, enjoying a favorite scent, walking barefoot on the beach, or savoring a delicious treat can help ease feelings of sadness or loneliness.
“When we use the primitive pathways of sensation, we access a relatively effortless way to shift,” writes Kross.
2. Redirect Your Focus
Contrary to common advice to always confront emotions, Kross advocates for temporary distraction in certain situations. Shifting attention elsewhere—such as by reading a book or walking away from conflict—can prevent impulsive reactions and reduce the intensity of difficult emotions.
However, this should not become a habit of avoiding emotions altogether, as avoiding them consistently can hinder learning and growth. Instead, use distraction strategically to regain perspective.
3. Reframe Your Perspective
Reinterpreting a distressing situation can help reduce emotional intensity. For instance, if a loved one arrives late to an event, considering that external circumstances, like work, caused the delay can reduce feelings of anger.
While reframing can be challenging in the heat of the moment, Kross suggests using self-distancing—talking to yourself as if you were advising a friend. For example, say to yourself, “This is an opportunity to learn, and even if it doesn’t work out, something better might come along.” Research shows this approach helps tone down emotional reactions.
4. Change Your Environment
Our surroundings significantly influence our emotional state. A short walk in nature, rearranging a workspace, or adding calming elements like plants or photos can help shift emotions. If you face chronic emotional challenges, evaluate your environment for stressors and make adjustments to better support your well-being.
5. Seek Supportive People
The right people can offer both empathy and perspective, which are crucial for emotional support. However, confiding in someone who amplifies negativity can worsen your state. Choose confidants who balance validation with constructive advice. Therapists often provide this dual support, but a trusted friend or mentor can also fill the role.
6. Align with Supportive Cultures
Cultural norms influence how we view and manage emotions. Being part of a supportive community—whether a religious group, sports team, or therapy circle—can reinforce positive emotional practices. Reflect on the cultural messages you’re exposed to and seek environments that nurture your emotional well-being.
7. Practice Regularly
Emotional management skills require practice, especially during less intense moments. Experiment with the techniques to find what resonates with you. Kross’s goal isn’t to eliminate negative emotions but to equip individuals with tools to shift their emotional states when necessary.
Improving emotional management benefits not only your personal well-being but also the people and communities around you. As Kross concludes, “How we handle our emotions shapes everything from our daily lives to our relationships and even global conflicts. Understanding how to manage emotions is one of the greatest challenges we face.”