There are several ways to look at our world. In NLP they are called Positions / Perspectives. They relate to perceptions from three different points of view.
First Position is us. When we use the word “I” we are engaging with the “first person”. It is important to associate into this position and be fully aware of it so you know that this is your opinion you are expressing and the choice to do what you are doing. Be aware when you are in the first position and acknowledge that it is one point of view and that it isn’t the only one. Outcome: Lose / Lose
Second Position is the other person you are talking to or in a relationship with. You need to step into their shoes to understand their world from their perspective. You will be most successful at this if you can imagine and be curious about what life would be like if you were them. It is the way you can empathize with someone else and consider their feelings. Outcome: Win/Lose or Lose/Win.
Third Position is the “CCTV camera“, “the fly on the wall” or “impartial observer“. Here you can observe what is going on between First and Second Position but cannot intervene and cannot feel the emotion. It just observes the body language and hears what is said. It can only communicate this without there being any judgement or emotion. This ability to see things dispassionately can be enormously beneficial when emotions are getting high. When you move into Third Position, you can observe what you are doing well and what needs work. You can effectively act as your own coach. This is called Associated Visualization. It enables you to experience the fullness of the event — what you see (visual), hear (auditory), feel (kinesthetic), taste (gustatory) and smell (olfactory). Outcome: Win/Win.